I haven’t made a post in a while, something that I am well aware of. I have started drafts of things, ranging from my experiences as a new AmeriCorps member to a comprehensive review of the psychological nightmare that is Neo Yokio. I also haven’t written a Kyuranger review for Geek Volcano in five weeks, even though Kyuranger has been truly worth discussing. My challenge is beyond a lack of focus or motivation – its depression.
I’ve dealt with some depressive episodes this year, which isn’t surprising to me. Money problems and job instability are possibly my biggest triggers. I’ve had more than my fair share of money issues this past year, but I thought things were stabilizing…until my car’s engine failed on the second day of my new job. In the past three weeks I’ve learned that my car warranty expired only 90 days before the failure, that my car manufacturer’s service is awful, and that the repair will cost more than two months’ wages.
Throughout all of my other issues I’ve at least had my car. I had lined up side work to help supplement my modest stipend, but they are not located on a bus line so I had to give them up. I’m of course actively looking for freelance writing work (which is remote) but it takes time not only to hear back, but also to ultimately write and get paid.
Anyways. I feel guilty for whining. And that guilt always makes my depression spiral even more, because it gives into the cycle of self-loathing and finding everything pointless. So yesterday I started the process of taking back control of my thoughts and my actions. I am in a metaphorical fist fight with my depression, and this is what I’m doing to fight it: